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body full of flowers.

by honeypot.

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1.
excuse. 03:51
i'm never gonna find a job. i'll never pay the rent. i'll build a home from sticks and stones, and live like a shut in. cast me out into the world. demand i follow suit. keep yr chin up. mind the script, and put on yr best grin. you won't ever be what someone needs. you won't ever have the best qualities. look at you, you found yr glow. you finally earned it. we're so proud. there's no more drought. we've been counting the minutes. you better keep it close. you better not abandon it. the weight won't wear you down. it's natural to feel it. you won't ever be what someone needs. you won't ever have the best qualities. take a look inside yrself and tell me what you see. i only want you as long as i think you benefit me. the space that you occupy is not yrs to keep. design it how you see fit, but be prepared to leave. always searching. never stop drifting.
2.
the plan. 02:54
"take a look at all the faces. what do you have to offer them? they demand some entertainment. so look them in the eyes and start singing:" (chorus) "i don't think i get what you meant. could you try and articulate it. you have to say something with meaning. tell me what the plan is." there is no plan! (chorus) "every word you say must have some intent. it has to impact us all. don't give us lack of purpose. if you let us down, we'll throw you in the pit. strip you to nothing. and you'll be left naked screaming: (chorus)"
3.
force. 06:52
i'm not feeling wanted. neither needed nor swallowed. veins or a shadow? crossed my river in black smoke. i'm binding my wrists again. colours have no place here. they won't go where they're needed. i won't think to follow, 1 million times won't save you. it won't mean anything to me. it's not something i need to see. try and tear me from the screen, i miss being bloody and bleeding. foaming at the mouth and screaming. don't try to look for any meaning. the thread's been pulled down from the ceiling. let me in. and i'll let you down. don't we have the heart for it? the next hit better kill me. i'll wish that it would, we're both better not hoping. i won't be stuck wondering. now i'm stuck in pavement. yr standing over me. frantic and hollering. please don't try to help me. the next hit better kill me.
4.
mirror. 02:42
follow steps to keep the peace. lower yr voice. and maybe this time you can try to understand me. but if you think that won't work, i'm 20 minutes down the road. i'll find someone who will let me speak. now we're falling. falling. falling out of love. i accept yr apology. wipe the tears off. you never have to worry. yeah, i know that you missed me. so now let's return to form. the last time didn't work. you expected growth, but what would i do that for? inside other people is exactly what you want to be. let them be yr mirror for what it is you want to see. what else would you need them for if they are not the twin you seek? kick them to the curb. someone likes you for what you like yrself for. falling. falling. falling out of love.
5.
sorry. 04:27
i won't ask for help. it's not what i want to hear. i won't ask for a direction. i know just what you'll say. the colours won't wash over me anymore. why won't they? where did they go? i won't ask what i deserve. i know that it's nothing. i won't give a warning. i don't want you to see me. the colours won't wash over me anymore. why won't they? where did they go? why is it still cold? if i'm/yr lucky: you won't ever find me. why is it still cold? why am i still cold?
6.
glow. 04:52
i'll keep picking at my skin. trying to remove all the sin. if i can't be the pilot, can i please stop watching? i don't want this to fail me but there's no point in hoping, because i can't prevent what i know will happen. always searching. never stop drifting. "i tried." couldn't say that much about it. "we tried." didn't have the heart for it. don't be so foolish. nothing will ever fix it. don't feel. don't think. keep on grinding yr teeth until the blood starts to pour. keep on scrubbing the bleach into the slits in yr hands. always searching. never stop drifting. i know exactly what you want from me. something that time won't ever bring. what are you waiting for? this glow will never be yrs.
7.
milk. 06:30
don't wait. i never could enjoy a single date. no matter where i am or what you say. i'll be betrayed by the brain. and i'll age. my skin gets hampered down by the weight. you can tell by the creases in my face that it's always too late. i miss the mindlessness to it. now i always feel the earth spinning. as it turns, my body goes on with it. i only want you to hold me close. maybe then i won't decompose. so what do you think will make yr figure hold? i can staple my stomach, or keep carving holes. now i worry about what i'm shoving down my throat. but it's not an option. it'll only speed up the process. curled up like a kid who's never been afraid. now all i can do is shake off the weight. i only want you to hold me close. maybe then i won't decompose. the earth won't stop spinning. you'll never stop drifting. yr skin won't stop melting. yr body only fails you.
8.
history. 04:44
i think/know that i'm not deserving of all that i've received. please force it away from me. let the blood rush straight to my brain. slowly waiting for something only time will bring. until then, i guess i'll sing: "you deserve everything that makes you feel like you should sing." i've hung my head as low as it can sink, but it keeps on floating. drag me through another week. bury my hands into my face. let some of the light peek. shook the weight clean off of me. can't make the nerves stop reacting. "you deserve everything that makes you feel like you should sing." i don't have the time to explain. i'm barely making out a single phrase. too much harmony has been contained. the melody won't stop haunting me. "you'll be stuck with me for eternity. i'm all you'll ever be. i'm yr legacy."

about

written in 2017.

recorded september - october 2019.

re-recorded october 19th - 22nd, 2020

thanks for listening.

credits

released October 31, 2019

guitar/bass/drums/synths/bells/vox by hunter grier

lyrics by hunter grier

album art by hunter grier

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honeypot. Seattle, Washington

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