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We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

reactive identity.

by honeypot.

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1.
last time i saw you i couldn't look right at you. kept the conversation short. said i wasn't in the mood. you said you were worried. said you were sorry. i didn't say goodbye because i didn't think you saw me. so what's the first thing on my mind today? the sight of yr shape that crept in from the hallway? or things i should of cared about before it's too late? what a shame i didn't hear from you for the rest of the day. 16 hours down the drain. will you hear from me today? stayed in bed for the whole week. will i hear from you today? love it when you speak. any colour. any rhyme scheme. never thought i would see someone be so happy. couldn't keep still. you couldn't keep from dancing. the sun was in yr eyes. they're a colour i've never seen. every time we talk i think i can't be more embarrassing. "are you scared of being vulnerable? what do you think that she will see?" i started to feel selfish when i looked at yr lips. did you return the favor? is it just wishful thinking? 16 hours down the drain. will you hear from me today? stayed in bed for the whole week. will i hear from you today? i am in love with everything. taking pills to keep me happy. halfway gone from 14. yr the only thing i'm missing. tell me if i am too close please. dim the lights. kick me out "lowkey." say the word. i'll ruin everything. glad i saw you smile even though it wasn't meant for me.
2.
pastel pink. 03:38
yr face is like one of the classics. i could pick it out of any crowd. i'm sorry if you saw me frowning. i promise you won't see it for a while. darling take me for a ride. show me all yr favorite sounds and sights. i hope that you think i'm being kind. i want to be everything you like. crash the car how ever many times you want. nothing you do could ever make me want to stop. i saw you smile and i felt my stomach drop. i love the way i see you sitting next to me. don't kill the lights. i'll know it's time for me leave. i never heard from you. i guess that yr asleep. christmas lights under white sheets. like something you'd see in the movies. i can't believe yr next to me. jumping in piles of leaves. in the middle of the night. dancing under the lamplight. outside we can't stop making eyes. so would you like to go inside? watching awful movies on yr laptop screen. please turn it off. i only wanna hear you speak. every word you say fits with my melodies. i've never been so afraid to be close. would you miss me? i don't even want to know. someday you may find out. the feeling comes and goes. everything i say is so embarrassing. you say it's not. i don't need to worry. anything you say i know i can believe. i'll say anything just to make you happy. it's such a gift i don't deserve to see. now i know that you don't hate everything.
3.
stem sucker. 04:03
i'll give you whatever you ask for. all you need to do is say the word. until then, i'll sit and suck blood from the cut in corner of my mouth. i'd breathe in the smoke for you, but only if it'd clear the sky. tying knots with each others tongues. if only there were ever a time. i spent my summer counting leaves. i named each one after a way or a reason that i think of you. held my breath when they started falling. i'd breathe in the smoke for you, but only if it'd clear the sky. tying knots with each others tongues. if only there were ever a time. on the way back to yr home, colours of christmas glow from outside the window. parking lot or down the road? held the door. you crawled inside. buried yr head in mine. like you were afraid of the lights. held me for the entire ride. someday before we know. our bodies will fail us both. said you don't want to get old. you've got a long way to go. found ourselves face to face. eyes lip locked. thoughts misplaced. couldn't stop making eyes. not even if we tried.
4.
when i was 16 i caught you smoking. you would've tried to hide it but you were too stoned. when we locked eyes you looked like you were seeing me for the first time. i didn't get haunted. i didn't meet yr boyfriend. when i ran into him he said "you know who i am." i waited for you all morning. didn't mean to let you sleep in. met me in the hallway and took my mind away. i thought i was clever and tried to write some poetry. i still haven't found the right words, but i think it's worth the effort. just in case you missed it, it's still none of yr business. i don't mean to keep you waiting, but you've never been to patient. i'm sorry i called too late. i know that you weren't sleeping. do you think it's worth the wait? i know just what yr thinking. we tried to simple things. we tried to be happy. you cried in the bathroom when i said i'm scared of dying. remember when i fell over? didn't wake up for 2 hours. just in case you missed it, it's still none of yr business. i don't mean to keep you waiting, but you've never been to patient. i'm sorry i called too late. i know that you weren't sleeping. do you think it's worth the wait? i know just what yr thinking.
5.
sorry pt. 2 02:07
this is how all of our nights will end. i'll go back home alone and put the pillow over my head. i barely said goodbye. couldn't look you in the eyes. couldn't hear what you were saying. hope you forget in the morning. don't look at me. i'm not worth seeing. you say i'm wanted but i don't believe a word yr saying. it's not yr fault that i don't believe. i know that you care about me. i never want you to worry. i know that you don't hate everything. give it time, you'll start to hate me. one day will be the last you see me. i hate the way you look at me. i hate the way you think of me. i shouldn't have said anything. can never keep myself from shaking. don't say a word. don't say a thing i know just what you think of me. i don't want to let the light in. you'll never hear from me again. i am ugly. i am selfish. i am broken. i am wasted. i am useless. i'm impatient. i'm only an obligation. i'm so fucking full of shit. i am so fucking haunted. you'll never hear from me again.

about

it's truly a gift to feel so strongly about another person.

special thanks to raeann.

thanks for listening.

credits

released June 28, 2019

guitar/bass/drums/vox by hunter grier

album art by raeann knight & hunter grier

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honeypot. Seattle, Washington

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